Lately I have been thinking a lot about unconditional love, and I like to explain my thoughts by using a furry example that runs around in our apartment like a nutter when playfully chased.
Our cat is a very strange creature. Let me assure you, I knew very well that she would be a handful, and I only picked her because my mother and hubby talked me into it. But I could see in her eyes that she would be the exact opposite of the pet I actually desired to have around me.
Mada is terribly annoying. She vomits if I don't feed her the most expensive and exquisite food available only in special pet shops. She spends half an hour (I am not exaggerating) scratching the plastic of her litter box in the middle of the night, letting everyone know she just took a dump. She gets very strange attacks all of a sudden and then gallops through the entire apartment, her tail similar to that of a squirrel. Her pupils are constantly widened, she is suspicious most of the time, and she dislikes to sit on our laps or receive caress and cuddles when she's not in the mood. And she's rarely in the mood.
Yet and despite all this I deeply and truly love her. When she starts purring and crawls under my blanket, digs her claws into my skin leaving painful scratches, combines it with some vigorous licks along my arm with her sandpaper-tongue - right in that moment a decision was made by me. It was so easy, and filled me with joy.
I decided to embrace the way she was showing me her love, even though it really hurt and brought me much discomfort. But I simply opened my heart and received what she was giving, instead of being grumpy about the way she was sharing her affection. I did not deny or reject her simply because she does not act the way I expect her to. How could she, there is no way to change her.
Now apply this thought to human relationships, and you will be utterly despaired. I have not yet been able to deeply love somebody without certain expectations of how I would like to be loved in return. And instead of seeing and embracing what is there, I am lost in "ifs", "shoulds" and "woulds", always disappointed if my needs are not met, as small as they might be sometimes.
But it is my little project, something I work on and strive towards every day - to love without conditions.
Our cat is a very strange creature. Let me assure you, I knew very well that she would be a handful, and I only picked her because my mother and hubby talked me into it. But I could see in her eyes that she would be the exact opposite of the pet I actually desired to have around me.
Mada is terribly annoying. She vomits if I don't feed her the most expensive and exquisite food available only in special pet shops. She spends half an hour (I am not exaggerating) scratching the plastic of her litter box in the middle of the night, letting everyone know she just took a dump. She gets very strange attacks all of a sudden and then gallops through the entire apartment, her tail similar to that of a squirrel. Her pupils are constantly widened, she is suspicious most of the time, and she dislikes to sit on our laps or receive caress and cuddles when she's not in the mood. And she's rarely in the mood.
Yet and despite all this I deeply and truly love her. When she starts purring and crawls under my blanket, digs her claws into my skin leaving painful scratches, combines it with some vigorous licks along my arm with her sandpaper-tongue - right in that moment a decision was made by me. It was so easy, and filled me with joy.
I decided to embrace the way she was showing me her love, even though it really hurt and brought me much discomfort. But I simply opened my heart and received what she was giving, instead of being grumpy about the way she was sharing her affection. I did not deny or reject her simply because she does not act the way I expect her to. How could she, there is no way to change her.
Now apply this thought to human relationships, and you will be utterly despaired. I have not yet been able to deeply love somebody without certain expectations of how I would like to be loved in return. And instead of seeing and embracing what is there, I am lost in "ifs", "shoulds" and "woulds", always disappointed if my needs are not met, as small as they might be sometimes.
But it is my little project, something I work on and strive towards every day - to love without conditions.
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